Benito, jassiel Y MÉ

have to be honest I didnt watch football all year. a few people reached out for watch parties and gatherings, but i have been trying to be real intentional about how I spend my time and the things that i support. did i really want to spend my sunday watching the nfl? an organization that has not historically supported black and brown people in the ways that they should. wasnt really high in my priorities. but then dakotah (dont forget the h) reminded me that bad bunny will be performing. that was enticing enough for me. so i hooked up the computer and someone sent me a stream link that worked great so i had no complaints.

bad bunny then went on to perform one of the most culturally relevant and emotionally impactful performances i have ever seen in my life. for as much as i want to deny the powers that be any power at all, there is power in platforms. super bowl sunday is america’s day. you cant avoid it. even if you do not partake on sunday you are going to be hearing about it. its unavoidable. so we tuned in.

its hard for me to put into words, so excuse me while i word vomit. on a societal level, should these organizations and platform carry as much weight as they do? no. but i cannot deny how that performance made me feel. it made me feel represented, smile with pride and even had to hold back tears of joy. to be seen is to be loved. and on america’s sunday they saw us. the latino diaspora. there was every shade, musical style, cadence and rythm involved. intimate moments that you would only understand if you were there. the smiles of all of the latinos that were apart of his set, was contagious because they represented all of us.

it did something to me. brought to the surface many things i am proud. but also many things i have mistreated. to be a dominican-american with afro textured hair and brown skin is really a mixed bag. today i can proudly say i am more confident in who i am then ever before. i love my hair, my skin, my broken spanish and sometimes broken english. i carry the weight of my parents hardships to get here but also the pride of my culture to push the envelope.

but i cannot lie - i bought the american dream. what it meant to be american. i assimilated and code-switched my way through life because i thought to be successful in america i needed to be more american. my parents didnt teach me how to be american and didnt teach me how to be dominican. why would they? i am dominican and american. i cannot teach you to be something you are. with that came alot of learning. feeling like because my family members weren’t american enough they couldnt help me on the road to the american dream. my job was to get there and then bring them with me and just hope that they didnt embaRRASS me along the way. luckily through my own trials and tribulations i have been able to let go alot of those feelings, so i thought.

aside from the tremendous pride i felt to be seen and represented i also felt alot of guilt for the mistreatment of my culture at a time and wanting to be anything other than what i am.

today my dad is a merengue artist. at almost 60 years old living out his lifelong dream to be a musician. for me his 30 year old son sometimes i did cringe at his outfits and his loud antics. but what really is the difference between him and bad bunny? the stage? the platform? the fame? that cant be it. i am sure a large part of my feelings towards my dads choice of profession is just off the strength that he is my dad. but really a big part of it was i didnt want the world to see all of me.

i say i am dominican today proudly. but if you talk to me you probably wouldnt know off the bat. i speak spanish well enough to get by most conversations and if you know what dominicans look like it probably a dead giveaway. but you’d think i was raised by american leaning spanish parents. couldn’t be more wrong. my dad is the walking representation of a slice of dominican culture. loud outfits, loud music, tons of rum and beer. i couldnt find a more coordinated outfit in my closet even if i tried my hardest.

what bad bunny did on sunday is what my dad does every chance he gets. he lets you into his culture the only way he knows how to. by being himself. because culture is in you and not on you. my dad was once bad bunny’s age selling tapes out of his trunk and performing at local bars in dominican republic and puerto rico. if the opportunity had presented himself i do not think my dad would have done anything different than benito. and who knows if their stories crossed somewhere in the distant past. but when i seen bad bunny on that stage putting on for his culture, i saw my dad who has done everything to keep his dream alive. the dream to share his culture with the world. to be seen as who he is. who we are. that is my american dream now.

to be seen is to be loved. and the only thing more powerful than hate is love.

long live benito, long live jassiel

please enjoy this performance by none other than my dad - la nueva cara de merengue el jassssssssieeeeellllll